So, while I was at work selling books today someone was looking for a copy of Candide by Voltaire. The word Candide is terribly close to the fungus Candida which is responsible for Thrush and some vaginal yeast infections.
So, after my mind had processed all of this absurd information, I was presented with a mental image of Voltaire's vagina (I am sure this was helped along by the fact that I could see the basket of porno mags under the counter with Playboy sitting on top). Now, as you probably know, Voltaire was a man. So, perhaps he had a mangina instead of a vagina, though I have never been given a satisfactory explanation of what a mangina is, nor has it ever been confirmed for me that maginas are prone to yeast infections.
So, while we are on the subject (we're not) lets talk about Ghengis Khan. He is pretty much the most awesome man ever, unless you're Chinese. I think the Chinese are still pissed that he raped their army without trying and took over their country. Actually, I think that was one of his sons, but they're all Khans, so it was one of the Khans.
Ghengis Khan had an amazing amount of sex (hopefully not with manginas whether infected by yeast or not), and there are quite a few people that are his direct descendants. He was the ultimate in polygamy, only it was less polygamy then it was rape, which is sort of sad. Hopefully someone gave him herpes...or maybe not, because then lots more people would have gotten herpes, which would only be okay if it was Rene Descartes. I mean, I can't even be mad at the Pope anymore since he change his stance on condoms.
The reason we're talking about Ghengis Khan today is mostly because he's pretty awesome, and also because is an excellent role model for any would-be world conquerers. Seriously, he and his sons conquered most of Eurasia. I'm look at you, corpse of the USSR, and you Kim-Jong Il. Yep, he was an uncultured horse fucker with a raging boner for anything with a vagina, but he managed to do more then you have ever done.
So, the morals of today's lesson are:
1) never touch a mangina if it is yeasty (unless it has a pleasant freshly-baked-bread smell)
2) even great philosophers have body image problems
3) Ghengis Khan was a pro-lifer (and a pro-boner)
4) everyone who has attempted to conquer the world since the Golden Horde swept across Eurasia has been doing it wrong
5) herpes is bad.
