How not to be trapped in a mine

With all the recent stuff about the Chilean Miners getting trapped in a mine, I figured I ought to give people advice on how not to be trapped in mines.  It seems like these should all be pretty obvious, but I guess most people just don't get it.

First off, just don't go in the mine.  I don't care if it's how you feed your family.  It will teach your children self respect or something. Also, if you're feeding them things that you find in mines you're probably destroying their teeth.  Rocks = not good for teeth.

Next up is probably the coolest mining accessory, the Giant Mutant Badger.  Just like with Giant Mutant Pandas it is best to grow these near a nuclear powerplant for optimum awesome.  These things will dig you the fuck out of that mine.  You know how Jesus supposedly rode a donkey into Jerusalem?  It was actually a Giant Mutant Badger.  That's how he got out of the tomb after the whole resurrection thing, his badger moved the fucking stone.

And lastly, the easiest way to not get trapped in a mine is to summon Captain Planet.

I hope the Chilean government reads this and learns from it.  Please pass this along to any officials you know in Chile.