Things not to use as condoms

The Pope is an asshole.  And, as has been mentioned many times in the past looks a lot like Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars, which as a Star Wars fan I am morally required to hate.  I'm pretty sure he's gay too, which is why he protects all those icky boy-touchers that are part of his church.

The Pope also doesn't believe in condoms.  The Pope wants people in Africa to get AIDS.  I am convinced of this since he keeps telling people that GLOVE BEFORE LOVE is wrong.  Fuck you Pope, fuck you with an AIDS/herpes infected cock.

Since I am more important then the Pope and I'm attempting to make a worldwide following that would make the Catholic Church look tiny, I would like to talk to you about things that are good to use as condoms* and we will talk about things that should never be used as condoms because that's just as important to remember.

Good things to use:

The Pope's Hat

a swim cap

Bad things to use:

A Paper Bag

A Glass Jar

 A Sheep

A Pencil Sharpener

A Cheese Grater

Crown of Thorns

Next time you go to have sex, please keep these important things in mind!

*Because they are funny, not people they will protect you from AIDS. PLEASE always use good condoms that are all approved and whatnot to protect you from AIDS and other STDs.  The only person who should probably have AIDS is The Pope since he contributes to lots of people's AIDS.