I know, I know, you might even have children, but Cthulu is still cooler then you. It's like comparing Nicola Tesla (an infinite fount of cool) to Rene Descartes (the infinite fount of uncool). There is no comparison. Even if you have the greatest Mom in the world Cthulu could eat her, and you, and your entire extended family, and your pet dog, lizard, and tarantula. Hopefully the tarantula first since spiders are icky.
1) Your Mom doesn't have tentacles, or evil powers (okay, maybe she does), or webbed hands
2) Cthulu doesn't hate your significant other just because they married you. Cthulu hates you and your significant other equally and will kill you for being puny and mortal regardless.
3) Cthulu won't get mad at you for the things you post on Facebook
4) Cthulu will never guilt trip you for your 10 (or 15, 20, 80 bajillion) hour birth. Since he didn't give birth to you and all. That and Cthulu doesn't believe in guilt. He believes in consuming the world with his elder god powers.
5) Cthulu probably didn't make you gay.
Every time you think "You know, I love my Mom and appreciate everything she's ever done for me." Maybe you should remember that she is not as cool as Dread Cthulu and you ought to pay proper homage by sacrificing* animals/your mom/your virginity to His Tentacled Godliness.
*Sacrificing anything mentioned here may be illegal, check with your local police department for more information on what live sacrifices are allowed in your area. Never attempt a sacrifice without Elder God supervision.
