My my internet connection is like a drunk armless hooker attempting to pole dance. Seriously, it goes down at least once a day for absolutely no reason, and has done so for ages. Sometimes I go into total withdraw when this happens and I pee myself in fear that I don't have the internet and thus don't know what is going on in the world.
I think they have support groups for this, but I don't know if I need a support group. I mean, crying in the corner of my room wearing a tiara and telling myself "You're a pretty princess and everything will be okay" is totally normal. I mean, at least it is for me having this shitty internet connection.
Now, I have nothing against drunk armless hookers pole dancing. I think it's pretty damn funny. Actually, I find the idea of armless hookers pretty funny all on its own. I find it so funny I think there should be more of them (I'm not sure there are actually any of them, though).
This is probably coming off as misogynist. It's not intended that way, I would also be perfectly happy watching drunk, armless MAN hookers pole dancing. Or pretty much any combination of man/woman/other that you can think of. It has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with funny (I hope) and being wildly and totally inappropriate.
You see the reason I am Norman the Platypus (instead of actually being human) is because as a Platypus I can say pretty much anything I want. Give a man a mask and he'll tell you the truth, give a man a Platypus and he'll squeal like a little girl in absolute happiness every morning for the rest of his life.
Being a Platypus has other perks as well, I can always excuse my bad grammar, spelling, and punctuation on the fact that I have fucking FLIPPERS instead of hands. I think it's pretty damn impressive that I can type with flippers + beak.
So, mostly I would like to think if Oscar Wilde were alive he would totally be my homeboy, and I would probably dress like a Victorian Gentleman but with bow ties instead of whatever else they wore around their necks.
