Important Facts About Norman the Platypus

First off, I have bigger balls then you.  Even if you have big balls.  My balls amount to about half the mass of the Earth.  I once broke someone's entire house when I took my pants off.  I have to hide my balls in a dimensional portal to keep from scaring you puny non-platypus types.  I once had a request from a death row inmate who want to die by being crushed by my testicles*, and I only had to use one of them to flatten him into a large pile of goo.

Second, in addition to being 100% platypus I am also 50% gorilla.  This makes me 150% of a person, but I'm still 1000% more awesome then the most awesome person you know or can think of below is a mathematical equation showing my awesomeness in comparison to lots of things:

Rene Descartes < Your Mom < Ghandi < Nicola Tesla < Cthulu < Me

Part of my awesome comes from my abnormally large testicles, but it also comes from my thoughts about pandas, T-Rex Jesus, Cthulu, and MaryAnne from Gilligan's Island.

Third, I have venom in my heel spurs.  Seriously, I could fuck up your dog (even though I like dogs and would never fuck one up, more likely I would fuck up your mountain lion if you had one.  Seriously, though, if you let me come over and pet your, presumably, tame mountain lion I promise not to fuck it up unless it tries to bite me).

Fourth, my grammar and punctuation are so terrible that aardvarks could shit on my laptop and achieve a higher level of accuracy then I am capable of.  Luckily (unfortunately?) there are no aardvarks in the area to shit on my laptop and fix my mistakes.

Fifth, I am so much more narcissistic than you are.

To conclude, who has a tame mountain lion?

*I have retired from working on death row, which is why this is no longer an option.  Sorry, but I have better things to do with my testicles.