Panda in Horse Race

Pandas are without a doubt the second coolest animal in the world.  Platypi are (obviously) the coolest animal in the world.  One of the reasons that Pandas are so awesome is that if you're a small enough person you could RIDE A PANDA.  You wouldn't even need to be a small person I guess, just have a giant panda (I recommend growing your pandas near nuclear power plants to achieve maximum giantness in a short period of time).

The most awesome thing about Panda riding is that you can totally beat a horse if you're riding a Panda, mostly because giant mutant Pandas eat horses.  No, seriously, when a Panda enters a horse race it's a total murder scene.  One Panda even got sued by the Glue Factories of America for killing so many horses, because it was effecting their ability to make glue.

I know what you're thinking, "Norman, this is silly, Pandas are peaceful creatures that just want to sit around and eat bamboo. I mean, really, they're even too lazy to have sex most of the time, what makes you think they would eat a horse?"

Have you ever seen a Panda in a horse race?  No.  Because Pandas are explicitly barred from ALL horse racing tracks.

Our Characters:

How horses feel about life:

How Pandas feel about horses:

What happens when Pandas get too close to horses:

This is the terrible aftermath:

The moral to this story: If you grow Giant, Mutant Riding Pandas, keep them away from horses.  They look all cute and innocent (and in the case of these pictures sort of like obese raccoons with short tails), but THEY ARE NOT.  They are not half as lazy as they've led you to believe, either.  In the wild they are known to become rocket scientists, urban architects and marketing professionals.  They are only so lazy because we let them sit around in zoos all day and eat bamboo.

Note: Platypi have entirely too much dignity to allow anyone to ride them.